"I am the foundation on which I will build my dreams."
- Calista Ocean
In my early twenties, I began building a life for myself which included motherhood, education, career, and marriage. If my aspirations at that time were compared to a house, then I had some idea what 'color' and 'size' of house I wanted, but it was already under construction before any plans were drawn up. Considering how quickly it was built, it was a high quality home filled with a lot of love which made others feel welcome. From time to time, I redecorated, and even did a couple of remodels that involved tearing down entire rooms or adding others. For years, it kept me safe and provided stability for me and daughters.
I could continue to renovate and live in the 'house' that I've created, but as I've changed and my daughters have grown, it feels like I've outgrown my first home. I'm longing to build the 'house' of my dreams - the one I might have built if I'd taken more time when I was young draw up a set of blueprints before erecting walls and a roof to keep out the rain. For years, I've been drawing sketches of what my life will look like when I create this new space. I've gathered some materials along the way, learned skills to help me build, and identified 'contractors' (teachers, friends, clients, students) who may be able to help me bring it all together when I'm ready. I've been talking about this move for several years, and I'm lucky enough to have friends who are excited about the dreams that I share with them. Many of them have already given me gifts to decorate my new home. Some are offering to help build. Others want to know when they can come visit, but I haven't started building yet.
Why haven't I picked up a hammer and nails?
One reason is that I've been waiting for the foundation to dry - and it took awhile. My previous house was built on a foundation poured by my parents, my teachers, and my culture. This time will be different because I am the foundation on which I will construct my dreams. As with any foundation, there was a 'curing' process that had to be allowed in order to ensure that I would have the strength to support the structure of my vision. This process included a lot of self-reflection, spiritual practices, and life experience. It was a lot of expansion and contraction but I trust that I can withstand the storms and the temperature fluctuations in the years ahead.
I also want to finish the blueprint. I know that I'll make some modifications once I start building (or even after I'm "done"), but it's important to me be more intentional about what I'm creating this time. I've pulled out the conceptual drawings, and I'm working on the plans. Here is what I know...
Self-care will be the material of which the walls are made since they are the structure what will hold everything together; this means continuing to eat healthy, exercise, rest and make time for play. There will be many rooms that make up this house, which is how people will experience me when they visit - as a Mother, a Daughter, a Sister, a Lover, a Dancer, a Coach, a Tantra Teacher, a Yoga Teacher, a Writer, an Adventurer, and a Friend. I haven't figured out the layout yet, so I'm not quite sure how those rooms fit together, but I'm working on it. There will be secret passageways share with my most intimate companions. Some will be dark and frightening, others filled with faerie dust and light. Atop it all will be a roof to keep away the midday heat and shelter me from rain. It will be constructed of new sources of income for me and will take some careful planning since my dreams are not conventional in shape or size. The world will be my garden, providing me with a sense of wonder and flowers to brighten up every room in my house. Inside, I'll decorate with all of the colorful aspects of my personality (which will change from time to time) and with the gifts that loved ones have given to me over the years including affirmations, lessons learned, support, understanding, and trust. I'm eager to make time to finish the architectural details so that construction can begin!
What do your dreams look like? Will they take a bit of life-remodeling or is it time to construct something new? Is there someone in your life who can help you finish the blueprints so that you can start to build?